Groomsman

Hello groomsman! Congratulations on being selected as my wedding crew! Here’s some info for the big day!

What to wear!

I didn’t want to go to Men’s Warehouse and have us get the matching sets. Instead, I’m putting my faith in ya’ll to look your best. 😅

A Dark Suit, navy, dark grey, or black would be best!

A White Shirt, go crazy with this one

Match your pants to your suit, use your best judgement on this one.

Shoes, dress shoes, dark is good. Dark brown, black, etc

Tie, I’ll hook it up, don’t worry.

And that’s it! Use your best judgment! I want you to look good, and I know that you are all strapping young lads, who have seen Queer eye.

Feel free to reach out with questions, pictures and ideas.

I’ll be checking in with all of you individually to make sure you’ve got something cooking.

Speaking of ALL OF YOU….

There are 8 of us.

(Alphabetical order)

Bartosz Ponicki

Also known as Bart, he took the long walk from Poland as a child and has assimilated and ascended since. Bart and I met in high school on the Ultimate Frisbee team.

A grad of Iowa State and the Elmhurst Parks Department, Bart is a jack of all trades. As comfortable with a sawzall as he is with a PS5 controller— a true modern renaissance man.

Time flies when Bart’s driving the Uhaul on a hot day. If you need a cigarette, he’s your man. He takes payment in RuneScape gold. Ask him about his tatts!

Also known as Peters, he’s Elmhurst Royalty. Charlie Peter’s and I met in high school through the Ultimate Frisbee Team, but we really bonded when he took me to visit Victor in the Pediatric hospital and he had Alt-Nation on Satellite Radio in his manual trans Jeep— and I thought “this kid fucks” But that was like 2 ACLs ago.

Charlie is a graduate of Colorado University Bolder— Scgo Buffs. His linkedIn says “Purchasing Agent” but most days you can find him grinding the walking simulator.

Ask him about purchasing Microsoft services, and min/maxing the lemon Deep Eddy’s method.

Dare Scott (No LinkedIn, sorry B2B Sales masters)

Also known as Dare. The bride’s younger brother by blood and soon my brother by law! A native of Missoula Montana and an Alumni of Montana State University (FTC). Now you can find Dare training to pick up the torch and continue the family trade of Chiropractic Medicine— all in beautiful Davenport Iowa.

Dare and I met when I gave him a cigarette. Since he has become my best running partner and an even better friend.

Ask him about how the chiropractic profession has opposed vaccination and water fluoridation, often on philosophical grounds.

Evan Wilken

Also known as Evan. Hailing from the great north, Fairbanks Alaska. Did you know that Alaska is the larger than the entire continental United States? Me neither. Evan and I met at the University of Montana, on the fifth floor of Aber Hall freshman year. I can attribute much of my acquired taste for rumpleminz to him.

Evan, now an Assistant VP at Mt. McKinley Bank, is not only the best economist I know, but also the best boat captain, and moose (meat and inflatable) killer. He’s as comfortable talking about his crock pot meatball recipe, or Obamanomics, or how the loss of Max Kellerman lead to the downfall of First take, Stephen A Smith and ESPN as a whole.

Max Hannah

Also known as Max. Hailing from Bellingham Washington. Max and I also first crossed paths on the mean streets of Aber Hall at the University of Montana. After we got our RA fired, I knew we would be bonded for life– I can attribute my love of eating an orange in the shower to him.

A true outdoorsman, Max taught me a lot about Outdoor Recreation; and together we experienced the danger of hot dog packaging in big sky country.

A love of rocks followed him wherever he went, and he never got tired of me asking “what kind of rock is this”, and I never got tired of him responding “probably some type of conglomerate”. Our dads have never met, but they’ve spent a lot of time together. He once told me “In a world that is well on its way to becoming one vast quarry, a geologist becomes someone engaged in the pious work of salvage”

Ask him about what type of rock this is– he loves it.

Taylor Wangler

Also known as Tay. Another member of Elmhurst Royalty, but since he has relocated to Sunny Phoenix (Anthem) Arizona– but I’ve always pictured him in Wisconsin. Brothers legally, but for us brotherhood is more a mentality.

Professionally, besides doing the Lord’s work, and I believe he keeps some small part of the internet from overheating.

Additionally, two dogs, for this big dog; one looks like Scooby-Doo!

Taylor taught me that efficiency only matters when you don’t have enough power, and If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

Never a bad hang, and reliably down for most anything, I have nothing but love for Taylor. Hannah is punching up.

Ask him about his favorite carbonated beverage.

Victor Shollenberger

Also known as Vic. Also, Hailing from Elmhurst, Victor and I met in High School, on a freight train and then again in a off-blue Toyota Camry. He got me a job at a scam Breakfast Restaurant.

Tall, handsome, recently married; this guy won the lottery. Victor got engaged after me, but married before me– took my idea and was first to market.

A true master of unorthodox optimization, he could blow your mind with productivity hacks like: a bowl of peas for lunch.

From Yosemite to Soaring Eagle Casino & Resort, we’ve gone some places together- some good, some bad.

Soon to be attending law school, I can’t think of someone better to represent me when the check for the wedding bounces. Our fishing trips have been mush, but there is no one I’d rather spend the day not catching fish with.

Ask him about conflicts between local, state, and federal marijuana laws, or the house edge on the don’t pass line, or the presence of heavy metals in spices, or how profits made on investments in physical Silver are reported to the IRS as capital gains on Schedule D (Form 1040) and Form 8949, classified as collectibles with a maximum 28% long-term tax rate. Be sure to remind him that you must report gains even if you did not receive a 1099-B form from a dealer.